Matt shares the Quantum Apology Model with Alan; the AAMR method helps leaders – and anyone – apologize with sincerity and grace in order to improve positive relationships and move forward from conflict or misunderstanding.
What if someone rejects an apology?
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Samantha Jean Boyd
Really like this model. I’m wondering why you feel that there is a difference between “I’m sorry” and “I apologize.” Can you elaborate? Also, I think you caught it basically, but I agree that saying you’ll “never” do something again is probably not the best idea. Saying you’ll never be late again is a hard promise to keep. Great vlog!
Great question about the difference between sorry and apologize. This was something the folks involved with Quantum Learning/Teaching instilled in me during training. You are not a “sorry” person. Synonyms for sorry include sad and miserable. There is power in saying “I apologize.” People are used to hearing “I’m sorry.” Alan hit on this a bit with the playground reference: “say you’re sorry”. There’s just not as much weight in it. When people hear “I apologize”, there seems to be a recognition that the speaker is being certain to articulate in a clear and different-than-normal way that s/he recognizes s/he is wrong and is ready to move on to the “make it right” step. Give it a try . . . it’s packed with power. Thanks for watching and responding!
Thanks for adding to this, Samantha and Matt. I have wondered a bit myself about the “hair-splitting” between those two words – and my previous posts on apologies testify to that. Thanks for teaching me, and others, these great insights.
You taught me that almost 20 years ago, Matt. I remember you replying to a camper who said “I’m sorry” with words to the effect of, “No. You apologize, and I accept your apology. But don’t make a statement about what you are, as if your mistake made you different or worse. Make a statement of action that you’re offering me an apology.”
“Huh,” I thought, “that’s kind of a nitpicky semantics poin… whoa. He’s exactly right.” I’ve tried to follow that advice ever since.
Fun to see you guys together – I dig this video blog thing!